His name is grief. He’ll be with me indefinitely. And when I say with me, I mean with me. He goes wherever I go. To work, to all social functions, on vacation. Sometimes, he behaves and sits in the corner quietly. Watching me, making sure I don’t forget that he’s there. Making sure I don’t have too good of a time. Other times, he demands all of my attention, all day long. He’s a major pain in the ass. He can be pretty rude and disruptive. He likes to make me go home early. He distracts me from my work. I hate him the most when he keeps me awake at night. I find myself apologizing for him a lot.
I don’t know when he’s going to leave, if ever. He might be with me for the rest of my life. Hopefully, I can leave him at home more and more as time goes on. Maybe eventually, he’ll only make an appearance once or twice a year. But for now, he’s with me and I have a feeling he’ll always be there, waiting for the right (or wrong) time to intrude.
That’s how I like to think about grief. It becomes a huge part of your life after you lose someone you love. It’s not just a feeling or a process you go through, it’s a living, breathing thing that just consumes you. I kind of wish grief was an actual person instead of an invisible companion. A person that people could see so that they would remember that I’m still sad, that I’m still grieving for my baby girl.
Just because I’m back to my normal routine doesn’t mean I’m not desperately missing my girl every second of the day. Just because I don’t cry all the time doesn’t mean I’m not still torn up inside. Just because it’s been almost 3 months doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt as much as it did when I held her for the very last time.
So please be kind, please be gentle. My wounds are still raw.
My Heart, My Soul, My Madelyn 
I’m not sure how many people at work notice this menace that’s following you around. This invisible thing we call grief. I believe some aren’t in tune as much as they should be. Or perhaps, they see grief but don’t know how to approach him. But, if it helps in any sort of way , I see the grief that’s following you. Sometimes he seems to be more obvious at times than others. But, I know he’s there. It seems his favorite place to appear is in your eyes. I won’t at all pretend to know him. But, I want you to know that if you want to talk about him, or put him out of your mind (even if it’s only for a brief time) I’m there for you if you as your friend.
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
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